I wanted to find the best way to open library girls wearing their hearing protection. When I go to the library I notice the attractive girls listening to music or wearing earplugs.

Just opening an attractive girl wearing her hearing seems odd to me. Why not bug fugly right beside her? If I find it awkward then attractive girls would too.

1. My first test was walking up to a girl wearing hearing protection and opening her with, “Hi”.

2. My second test was asking her, in a joking manner, if wearing hearing protection worked:

* I walk up to the girl and tap her on the shoulder. *

Me - “Hey, do those work?”
Girl - “What?”
Me – “Those headphones/earplugs, do they work? Cause every time when I come here to study girls always bother me.”
Girl – Blah blah blah
Me – Blah blah blah . . .

3. My third test was using my keychain vibrator:

* I sit at a desk with an attractive girl beside me. I turn on my vibrator keychain and press it to the desk. I wait for the girl to notice the vibes. She opens me and we continue. *

4. My fourth test was a poem:

* I would be sitting at a table that has dividers. A girl would sit down in one of the divided sections and I would pretend not to notice. I’d give it a couple minutes and write the following . . . *

“Hey bro, here’s my latest poem:

One by one, three matches are lit in the night
The first to see your face
The second to see your eyes
The last to see your lips
So when it’s dark all around, I can remember it all
While holding you in my arms.

What do you think?

P.S. No gay jokes.”

* I would crumple the poem up, throw it over the divider, and wait for a response. *

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The best result came from number two; asking her if wearing hearing protection worked. The worst result came from number three; using the keychain vibrator.