Today I puked for the first time in many years.

I’m on a date with this girl Cheryl. I’ve known Cheryl for a couple months. We’re friends with benefits.

The date consists of watching the Beowulf movie and chilling at her place. It’s sick how attractive a digital Angelina can be.

After watching the movie we pick up some food to eat. Cheryl gets a chicken shawarma wrap and I grab a salad (I’m a vegetarian).

We’re at Cheryl’s place eating at the kitchen table. Cheryl is mowing down on her shawarma and I stab at my salad.

I’m halfway done by salad when Cheryl makes a high-pitched noise. Her mouth is full of food so all she can do is make noises and point.

She points at my salad.

I look down to find a fucking worm crawling on my salad.

The salad that I just ate comes right back up. It ends up all over the kitchen floor. Cheryl screams. I just have one good puke and I’m all good.

There’s no way I’m eating the rest of my salad. I offer my remaining salad to Cheryl. She declines.

Witnessing my traumatic event impairs Cheryl from eating the rest of her shawarma.

I joke around that I’m upset and need some loving. She agrees to give me some lovin’, but first I have to rinse my mouth out with mouthwash.