Hi V,

I wanted to ask you - what is your approach to the game?

I wasn’t sure of the right way to phrase this question, so I will elaborate. When/where/how do you meet women? What are your ideal situations for approaching women?

For instance, I might see guys run into traffic to cross a street because they see a hot girl, and then tell them “you are fucking sexy”. Or, I might see a guy jump into a limo with a bunch of hot girls in it. Or it might be something less spectacular like walking up to a girl who is walking down the street. Or it just might be going to clubs.

Some of the ways guys in the community approach girls I feel are inappropriate unless there is something about the girl that you absolutely have to meet her regardless of the consequences of the inappropriate approach. I feel like there are so many girls out there that completely going out of your way to meet someone, running across the street or otherwise, is unnecessary a lot of the time. I feel like a lot of the time, being “normal” can get the girl, and trying to be
spectacular will actually make her not want to see you again. What are your views on this topic?

Thanks.

J

Hey Justin,

I meet women wherever I run into them. I used to plan out my days in a robotic fashion, but I prefer to be myself and not a robot.

I do go out to bars during the ideal times (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday), but I do whatever I have to do during the week (i.e. go to the mall to buy some crap, go to the book store to get a book, go to the grocery store for some groceries, etc.)

There are women EVERYWHERE. You just open your eyes and your mouth.

There are A LOT of nut jobs in the pick-up “community”. Many of which are developing future nut jobs.

Here’s a video of one of the “respected” idiots (Alex from Real Social Dynamics): (Update: I guess this is a parody.)

Sure you can do some “crazy” things like running across the street to meet an attractive girl, but that’s just to expand your reality. It doesn’t mean you run across the street every time you want to meet a girl.

The whole point of this journey, if you want to call it that, is to find who you are, not to copy some idiot from Real Social Dynamics or some other cult-like pick-up business.

If you are happy with your progress then keep doing what you’re doing, if you are at a plateau then try some “crazy” shit to break through that plateau.

—

If you have any questions my e-mail is v [at] becomingapua.com

Mr. Anthony Stark asks:

Whats up V,

Just read your Jul 21 post and decided that it wouldn’t hurt me to start being proactive in my personal growth (and that includes using all available resource, like you.) I stumbled upon your blog way after you stopped being a AFC so I started reading your posts in chronological order. Unfortunately there are a lot of posts.

So I was wondering if you were starting out today as a AFC wanting change, where would you begin (read, do, etc.) ?

I already decided to kick up my hygiene (flossing), work out, and I’ve read The Game and David Allen’s productivity book Getting Things Done.

I think you’ll recommend The Wisdom of Milton H Erickson and The Superior Man, but what other books do you recommend?

Respect,
Mr. Anthony Stark

If I was starting out . . .

1. I’d get out of the television and get back to reality. They call it television PROGRAMMING for a reason. You are not Tony Stark. You are NOT Iron Man. Try just being you rather than pretending to be someone you’re not.

When you get this mindset that you’re something you’re clearly not then you get delusional. When you get delusional then no one wants to be around you.

When it comes to delusional look no further than Ross Jeffries (the guy sports a Green Lantern ring . . . ). Once you find out Jeffries’ tricks, which are pretty good, and that he’s pretty much in this community for the money then you move on to better people and better things.

Here’s a clip from the movie Network. It does a good job at explaining the power of the television:

No computer will ever match the power of your brain. No human could never recreate the human body from scratch. Rather than marvelling at your own body you aspire to be something from Marvel Comics?

They say most people only use 10% of their brain. I’m willing to say that most people use 0% of their brain. Much of society are given patterns to follow; they go to school to learn the pattern of 9-to-5 and they watch television to be be given patterns on how to behave (i.e. what’s appropriate to wear, to be politically correct, what to eat, etc.).

Do you want to LIVE your life (thinking and analyzing life) or do you want to be just another walking dead (just following the approved pattern given at that moment)?

2. I’d get out of being labeled. When you say, “I’m an AFC” then you’re saying that you’re a frustrated chump 24/7. When you say, I’m a PUA” then you’re saying that you’re a pick-up artist 24/7.

You’re an AFC at the moment you’re buying a group of unknown girls a round of drinks. You’re a PUA at the moment you’re leaving the club with the most beautiful girl there. It’s only at that moment when you’re those things.

Do not label yourself when you are trying to figure out who you are, cause you’re just boxing yourself in.

3. I’d work at keeping myself healthy. Your health is most important, both physically AND mentally.

Learn about appropriate nutrition, figure out your budget, and buy what you can afford. Treat yourself to what’s “unhealthy” every once and a while, cause you’re human.

Study Ericksonian techniques and NLP to learn about manipulation and persuasion. This strengthens your mind against the bombardment of manipulation by people, television, advertising, etc.

You are the gatekeeper to your own mind, so protect that mind of yours.

That’s more than enough for you to work on at this moment.

Your life is for you to decide, so start making decisions before someone makes them for you.

—

If you, the reader of this post, have any questions then send an e-mail to:
v [at] becomingapua.com

Hey man,
Whas up?
Maybe you can help here…
Im a beginner, how should a person start NLP from beginning to the mastery?
any help is appreciated
Thanks!

NLP is the popular method these days, but I’d suggest you master Ericksonian techniques.

I’ve been reading a bit about Milton Erickson (which NLP is modelled after) and I’ve seen where many of these pick-up artist “gurus” have copied their information from. Erickson is dead on with so many of his findings, which have been well studied, that it’s a waste to learn much else.

Before you get all excited thinking you can become a master with ease I’d like to inform you that Erickson dedicated his life to his art. Are you willing to make a similar dedication?

If you are dedicated to becoming a master of linguistics one highly recommended book is The Wisdom of Milton H. Erickson by Ronald A. Havens. This book gives you the best quotes and analysis of Erickson’s techniques.

Read that book, model Erickson, master Ericksonian techniques and you’ll be a master over an NLP master.

—

If you have a question you’d like answered then contact me at v [at] becomingapua.com

Don’t worry, I’m still working on me. Since I’m taken care of, lets get working on YOU!

Too many hours are spent figuring out how to be successful with other people (friends, girlfriends, etc.) and/or things (video games, trivia, etc.). How many hours do you guys spend a week on YOU?

If you don’t know who you really are then what’s the point with any of this?

By that I mean figuring out who you really are. Not what television or movies tell you who you should be. Not what your family and friends tell you who you should be. Start with a half hour a day. No distractions, no music, just you.

By suggesting that you figure out who you are as an individual I am NOT telling you to be egoistic, cause we all know where this selfishness will lead:

In regards to blog posting I’ve decided to answer people’s questions and post my response here.

You may contact me with your questions at v [at] becomingapua.com

If you wish to ask me something in private then please include a privacy request in the e-mail.

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.
–Elizabeth Cady Stanton

A common question I get is, “When is a girl giving me a shit test and what do I do?”

OK. Here’s an example and what to do in such a situation: When your target is drunk, touching her right hip with the forefinger on her left hand and asks “Hey, I just puked a little on my shoe, can you lick it off?” you tell her, “Right away master!” and lick away.

If you take what I said above seriously then I recommend you go stay home tonight and masturbate.

Understanding what shit tests are is important for new guys. If you don’t know what a shit test is I suggest you check out the Common Acronyms & Slang section at the Becoming A Pick-Up Artist Forums.

Once you’ve been around enough girls then you could care less about shit tests.

Say a girl gives me a shit test such as, “Buy me a drink”. I’ll tell her, “OK.” and I’ll get a glass of water. If I hand it to the girl and she refuses the water then I’ll take the water back and drink it.

If she is pissed about the drink and gives me a hard time then I’ll take her by the hand, say, “It was a pleasure meeting you.”, turn away from her, and open the closest group.

If you want to be an asshole all your life then refuse every shit test.

I accept or deny shit tests depending on the moment. I know when I’m being tested, but the girl can’t quite tell if I’m supplicating or if I’m being that “perfect” boyfriend.

She knows that I can leave her at any time, cause I tell her, but in a “nice” way. If she does give me a lot of guff then I’ll escort her out of my life. I just make sure to get a little loving before giving her the boot.

One of the emails forwarded me to a news article with a little mention of me. Thanks Matthew for informing me of it.

A correction to the article would be that I am NOT from Toronto.

The article also mentioned Barry, A.K.A. Extramask. I’ve been in touch with Barry. He’s interested in catching up. If you guys have any questions you’d like me to ask him just post them in the comments or send me an email.

I almost forgot to post a link to the article. . . .

You can find the article at http://www.eyeweekly.com/city/features/article/22856.

Update: What is up with people thinking I was dead?

Here are my questions:

1. Do you think that beyond art, it all really boils down to “looks,” in other words, would a guy who is not as attractive as you probably are, have the same success? What are your thoughts on this?

2. Do you think it’s possible for you to fall in love with a girl friend? Have you ever had that experience?

3. Are you able to tell if a girl is faking an orgasm (how) and if yes, do you care? If you don’t care, why not?

4. What’s your take on marriage?

1. This is not a “Yes” or “No” question. First, what is “success” to you? A person living in the Playboy mansion that looks like Steve Urkel will have far more “success” than someone who looks like Christian Bale living alone in the desert. There are a multitude of other factors (i.e. the type of girls you like and the amount of them in your location, the age of girls you like, how low on the scale of attractiveness are you willing to go.)

2. When I think I’m “falling in love” I remember something from the 1997 movie The Devil’s Advocate:

Kevin Lomax: What about love?
John Milton: Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.

3. When you’ve given a girl a real orgasm you can tell when one is faking. I’d recommend you pick up some material on tantra and finding a girl you can practice with.

4. Marriage is just something that was introduced with religion. Religion and marriage are on their way out as you can see. Until you’ve truly found yourself I don’t think you should get married. If you don’t even know yourself then how can you know you’ve found “the one”? And no, you will not find your true self with religion, a spiritual movement, nor ANYTHING else that has rituals and/or routines.

———

John asks:

Glad you’re back!

Which method do you think is better, the more natural Mystery method or the Ross Jeffries NLP approach? Also, once you’re on a date with a girl, what’s the best way to segue from casual conversation to making out with the girl?

John in Paris, France

Well the Mystery Method is more indirect while Ross Jeffries is more direct. If you’re more comfortable being indirect then go with MM, otherwise try Speed Seduction.

Going from conversation to kissing will have to depend on how you got into the conversation in the first place (direct or indirect).

———

RockStarLand asks:

Hey V. It’s nice to see that you aren’t dead. How’s school going? You all finished yet?

Life is my school, and no, I’ll never be finished.

———

Jason asks:

where the fuck did you go?

Mainly to my basement to play Rock Band … and some traveling

———

b asks:

Is there such a thing as TOO much negging? I think I seriously pissed off a girl I sorta dig the other day by being mean. What do I do?

Yes. Hey, at least you got an emotional reaction from her. If you were an asshole then when you see her again forget like it ever happened and move on.

———

Capablanca asks:

What’s up V, greetings from Mexico.
I’m happy you’re back.
I like your blog, a lot, it’s very inspiring.
I’m amazed about your fast and radical transformation.
I’ve decided to become a PUA too, but it will represent a radical change of life, since i have already a girlfriend, but God!, i’m bored of my life, i need a change. It’s hard you know?
I’m 25 years and I don’t wanna keep like this, need to move on. I’ve been 7 years with my girl, so its really tough.
Well, i guess i still don’t have questions, but if you could only give me some inspiring advices.
I respect you man, a lot. (Sorry about my English)
See ya!

Do not pursue what is illusory - property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade and can be confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life - don’t be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn after happiness; it is after all, all the same: the bitter doesn’t last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing.
-Alexandr Solzhenitsyn

Girls love the real tan Especially when everyone else is white or orange.

I have no idea what to give away next month for the Forum. Any ideas? Post your ideas in the comments section of this post.

Remember, this month we’re giving away an 8GB Apple iPod Touch!

A lot of guys want to be Hugh Hefner; one guy with many girls. My advice? Be honest.

You don’t see Hugh Hefner going around lying that he’s only out for that “one special girl”. He’s the kind of guy that’ll even display his multiple relationships.

I lied my ass off at the beginning of being a PUA to get multiple sexual relationships. It worked, but then the lies caught up with me.

My city contains lots of college/university girls. They are, for the most part, wild and open. That makes it easy for trying new things and getting multiple girl friends.

If you’re friends with attractive outgoing girls you’ll find that they tend to have more than one boyfriend at a time. If you’re an attractive outgoing guy then it should be expected for you to have multiple sexual relationships.

I currently have multiple girl friends and prefer to let girls go when they get stale.

When I meet a new girl I won’t emit any interest on a sexual level. I’ll get the girl to give me her number and make a comment like, “I already have a girl friend. You seem cool so no funny stuff.”

As the relationship grows with the girl I’ll emit “rare” qualities and reveal “my innermost secrets”. If things go to plan then she’ll ask me about having a relationship.

I’ll tell her something like, “I already have a girl friend, you’re OK with that, right?”.

She’ll most likely go with it. If she’s the kind of girl who can handle me having multiple relationships then I’ll go with it.

If you live in a big city with loads of girls, then go ahead and lie your head off to get multiple sexual relationships. If you’re in a moderate size city, like mine, then be honest with the girl. You might be surprised by how far honesty can get you.

Daniel Rose is considered to be an expert of sex in the community. You should only learn this material only when you’ve mastered all that comes before it. If you have mastered the material before the sex phase then read on

Notes

What matters in bed?
- Sexual confidence

- He wasn’t always sexually confidence. Started out alone, played Starcraft to take away the pain, but that pain didn’t go away.

- In 3 months went from barely able to talk to girls to 3 girlfriends. Felt like a phony cause he didn’t have the confidence to back it up.

- Felt that giving a gf multiple orgasms would make all the anxiety go away.

- Wildly experimented. Went through so much rejection then finally found the patterns and giving girls multiple orgasms

4 Things A Woman Needs In Bed:
1. Dominance
a. She needs to know she’s with a man
2. Emotion
a. Women are very emotional
3. Variety
a. Too much of a good thing is a bad thing
4. Immersion
a. Relaxing, lack of insecurity, totally confident.

Biggest problem
- Sexual arrogance, male ego

Average amount of guys that are good in bed are 5-10%

Everybody in this room should try to improve.

1. Dominance
- Never ask for permission in bed
- Dominance requires balls. Guys don’t have the balls to dominate
- How can you be dominant?
i. Manhandle
1. handling girl in a dominate way in bed
2. Door slam – if making out, push her against the door. Sounds dramatic though door gives way.
3. Spanking shows dominance. No hesitation. If you spank a girl, spank it very hard. Key to spanking is doing it hard.
4. Be creative with manhandling
ii. Dirty talk
1. best verbal way to increase dominance
2. Themes
a. Possession – sometimes a girl wants to think she belongs to you (i.e. “baby your pussy belongs to me”)
b. Telling her how much she wants sex.
i. Once you get really good in bed you see how much girls want that great sex
ii. Key is to know in your heart, girls need great sex (ie “I know much of a slut you are.”, “I know how much you want sex”)
3. The first time you do this will score you shitless

2. Emotion
- girls also need emotion
i. sex with a girl is so much better than some random girl
- First theme to emotional talk
i. Connect sexual pleasure to strong emotions (i.e. “Baby you came so hard for me, you must really love me”)
- You have to immerse yourself in the sex god character fulltime
i. You have 5 seconds to reveal your sexuality
ii. Sexual vibe could be bad cause she may not want to have sex with you.
- Talk about how girl feels for you. Talk about how you feel for the girl. (i.e. “Baby I love being inside your pussy.”)
i. Knowing is a very different thing from doing

3. Immersion
- Sexual endurance & can’t getting it up deal with immersion.
i. Coming too fast – don’t distract yourself. Relaxation overarousal. Relax your body, relax breathing, and remove any negative beliefs
- Immersion, relaxation, no-limiting beliefs
i. Then you can last as much as you want.
- Lack of thoughts/fears/insecurity
- Nothing on your mind but sex
- Positive thoughts in bed are just as bad as negative thoughts (i.e. do you jack yourself up to eat corn flakes?)
- Just do it, no positive or negative thoughts
- Think nothing.
i. I.e. tantric master
- Make effort to consciously cut off thought
- Lack of thoughts, insecurity, fears
- Come from consistent limiting beliefs
i. One limiting belief is that if a woman doesn’t appear to want to have sex she won’t. A woman hates being rejected, 1000 times more then men.
ii. As you progress you’ll see subtle cues for her hornyness. If it’s not limiting for you, it won’t be limiting for her, cause it just wouldn’t make sense
iii. Interpret failure into a new belief
iv. Good technique way to improve immersion is eye contact cause it’s difficult to think of new things
v. Trains self to hold eye contact during sex
vi. Remember: Too much of anything is bad thing

4. Variety
- Mix it up. Not wanting to do same thing over and over. Always be creative. Key is spontaneity.
- Not about altering angle, or position.
- We have plenty of ideas for variety, just sexual confidence to do it.