hi there i was wonder which books are good to get i am after a few things such maybe a book of tricks or mind test and nlp i was thinking something a bit like Darren brown any good recommendations Jamie

First I’d suggest you focus on learning grammar and spelling. What good is it learning about linguistics and persuasian when you can’t even construct a proper sentence?

On writing proper sentences get The Elements of Style, Fourth Edition.

When it comes to spelling get a good dictionary. I prefer The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition.

If you want to be like Derren Brown then get his book. It’s called Tricks of the Mind.

To understand how to influence others you should check out Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion.

For an NLP book check out NLP: The New Technology of Achievement.

The above book recommendations are just introductions. Once you get through those then study the people Derren Brown studied (i.e. Banachek).

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If you have any questions my e-mail is v [at] becomingapua.com

Hey V,

I recently found your website and I’m really intrigued by your 50 woman “wanna fuck” challenge. I’ve had some pretty good success with women lately, but when I was reading how that experience affected you, I felt like there’s something that you gleaned from the experience that I’d really benefit from. Soooooo, I’ve decide to do it, and I’d like to do it as quickly as possible. Are there any tips you could give me, or just talk shop with me a bit about it? I’m unsure as to where to go to do this, could you suggest some places? Also, when you did it, did you approach groups, or girls with guys? I could see the latter being a problem in particular especially because some dudes just get shit crazy when they’re threatened and turn super aggressive, so obviously I can see the inherent risk of that, but maybe that’s a good growing experience. I know a lot of this just comes down to common sense and personal judgment, but if you could shed some light that will help me gain the most from the experience I’d really appreciate it. Thankyou so much in advance, and for your time in reading this.

Solidscore

PS- I’ll write back to tell you how it went.

For those who have no idea what Solidscore is talking about just go to this post.

If you are well known in your city, or have a respectable position that you don’t want to screw with, then go to another city to perform this.

I’d suggest a local University/College when performing this, cause of the concentration of hot girls. If something should go wrong then go to another building and the girl(s) you had issues with are likely to graduate in 1 to 4 years.

BUT since you want to get this over with quickly, and it is summer, then go to malls and/or festivals and/or bars.

When it comes to who to approach then, again, use common sense. I’m decent in getting out of situations when someone gets irate so I’d approach anyone EXCEPT couples (got to have SOME respect) and girls with relatives (you’re asking for it if you approach a girl with her father).

You don’t have to do all 50 in a single day. You can do 5 a day for 10 days and just approach girls who are alone.

The great thing about this is that, afterwards, approaching girls becomes A LOT easier.

Let me know how it goes.

—

If you have any questions my e-mail is v [at] becomingapua.com

I read through some of your blogs and really enjoyed them. The short of
things is, would you like to contribute articles to our website? Perhaps
something like that could be utilized on our website. Please read more
below.

I’m the Marketing and Events Manager for Kizmeet and HurryDate (our parent
company Spark Networks is widely known for JDate and MingleMatch).

Our current traffic is very strong and of course we’d like to make it even
stronger. Through our very intensive marketing efforts we’ll only continue
to grow. We have advertisements on some of the largest love related
(dating, networking, mingling) websites in the world: JDate.com and the
MingleMatch.com companies, as well as the ubiquitous HurryDate.com.

Please go to Kizmeet.com and take a look through our “Press” section, and
you will find a myriad of fantastic press coverage from many different
mediums — very notably “E!”. We’ve also begun a vast number of guerilla
marketing initiatives, internet marketing, and more PR campaigning.

What we’d like to do is create another reason for people to come back to the
website — articles. The articles will be based on love, relationships,
dating, flirting. The “dos and don’ts”; the “how tos”; the “was he/she
flirtings?”; and whatever other great ideas come up.

The website offers a practical online way of searching for missed
connections, but it’s also enjoyed for the entertainment of reading other
people’s posts. Some people find the posts absolutely adorable, some people
find some of the posts to be humorous.

I’d like to find out if you’d be interested in cross-marketing. That is
sharing each other’s traffic; sharing each other’s content.

The increased traffic and the Kizmeet notoriety should help you secure
advertisements if that’s what you’re seeking; it certainly should help you
secure wider popularity as well.

Let me know if this is something that you feel can benefit your blog/you.

Sincerely,

Jason Hobbs, Marketing and Events Manager

No thanks.

—

If you have any questions my e-mail is v [at] becomingapua.com

Will you be releasing any products soon?

No.

It’s interesting how there is so much information out there for free, but few care to really look at it. They’d rather spend money on regurgitated material believing that it’s somehow better.

I read and watched loads of material available for free. I then, through trial and error, found what worked best for me as an individual. You need to find out what works best for you.

If you want to be another Style, another Mystery, or … another V … then I feel sorry for you. Sorry because you are not living up to your true potential.

“Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is. The most important product of his effort is his own personality.”
–Erich Fromm, Man for Himself

“While one should always study the method of a great artist, one should never imitate his manner. The manner of an artist is essentially individual, the method of an artist is absolutely universal. The first is personality, which no one should copy; the second is perfection, which all should aim at.”
–Oscar Wilde

—

If you have any PUA/life related questions that you want answered then e-mail me at v [at] becomingapua.com and I will do my best to answer them.

Hey V,
I’ve been following your site for the past year, since I have started becoming a pickup artist. What I’m about to tell you is pretty messed up but please, if you could offer any help at all, that would be great.
So anyways, about a year ago I started learning pickup techniques and within the first three months, I learned A LOT. I took my techniques with me everywhere, and after about 8 months, I could really get most any girl to be attracted to me but that wasn’t what I was in it for. I really wanted to find a girl. So anyways at about the end of May, I got fired from my job. There was a girl I worked with who was basically my best work friend. It was a retail store and we always worked together at the same register. I could always tell there was a little attraction between us. After I got fired she offered to hang out one day and we ended up hooking up. The next day we agreed that this what what we really both wanted, even though she had a man. I thought that I would be able to get her to leave her man after a few weeks. Well here it is, almost two months later and she’s still with him. She REALLY loves me though, everyone - her friends and mine - tells me so. we are really close and its almost like we’ve been in a relationship for years. now at this point you probably think that I was going all AFC on her, that’s not at all the case. I keep our attraction up and have been BF destroying since we started. We really love each other but apparently she loves her man too. She’s talked about him before and most of the time I cut her off saying “listen, I really don’t want to hear about your man anymore. I don’t care what you have to say about him. I know you love him, and you know I love you but not this situation”. Sometimes at night she cries about the situation telling me “Baby, you really don’t know how hard it is. I’ve been with him for the last three years and I’m trying, but I can’t seem to do what I need to do, but I’m really trying”. I always tell her I know it will be hard, but that its harder knowing that I’m being disrespected like this knowing she’s doing the same thing she does with me, to another man. This past Friday night was our worst moment yet. We went to a party together and were talking with people and then out of nowhere, some guy that we both used to work with (she still does) gave her a hug. I’m not really a jealous person so it wasn’t a big deal. Eventually her and I were just sitting together making out, and that guy kept looking over at us every 2 or 3 minutes. But that wasn’t bothering me, I still had her and he didn’t. But then, every 10 or 15 minutes he would come over and give her a hug. He did it when I would leave to go to the bathroom, get another drink, ANYTHING. So naturally we started talking about him. Eventually she told me something that really opened my eyes. She told me that about a month before her and I started, she gave him head. This made me mad because that was the third time that I’ve heard she cheated on her man. The next day, Saturday, before I went to see her, I started thinking. What if I’m no different? What if the only difference is that I haven’t left her yet. So I made the decision to make her choice - me or him. When I went to see her I told her what I just said and I told her to call me when she didn’t have a man. She broke down, and I left. Honestly, that night I cried. I don’t think I’ve ever cried over a girl before..EVER. I didn’t sleep or eat at all that night - that’s now much in love we were. So the next day I honestly couldn’t take it. I called her and we got back together. She came over my house today (Monday) and before I went to bring her back home I asked her to promise me something. Now before I tell you what it is, she told me a couple weeks ago that she hasn’t “been with” her man since we started. So today I asked her to promise me that she won’t sleep with him while we’re together. She told me she couldn’t promise me that. She told me that she slept with him Friday, after WE went to that party. That was MESSED UP. I was with her from about 11 in the morning to about 1 the next morning. She ACTUALLY told me she went to his house after I dropped her off. At this point I was shocked. I told her that I honestly have never felt so disrespected in my entire life. At that point I told her it was time to leave my house. Right now I have no idea what to do. I can’t live with her - I can’t do it alone. V, do you have any suggestions for me?

You want what you can’t have. You say that you could get “most any girl attracted to you”, but this ONE girl hooked you. This ONE girl is always on your mind, likely cause you can’t have her all to yourself.

Women LOVE security. Someone who just got fired from a retail job working at a register doesn’t scream security to most girls. I’m not making fun, I worked shitty jobs myself. Say if you won the lottery tomorrow, do you think she’ll leave her man for you?

One more thing you should ask yourself is, “Does this girl love me for who I truly am, or because of the man I pretend to be?” You say you’ve been using the techniques everywhere for the past 8 months, so I assume you’ve been using them around the girl (i.e. BF destroyers).

Answer those questions and if you’re still in need of help then send me another e-mail.

—

If you, the reader, have a question then send an e-mail to v [at] becomingapua.com

Hi V,

I think i might have a problem with the lesson of “focus on yourself, but don’t become self-centered”. I don’t know how to focus on seeing myself as an important individual people should look up to, without being arrogant and self-centered.

I don’t go around pushing people out of my way, or telling people they are dumber than me, but i feel inside that i want to say “i would have done a better job” and “heh you’re so not worth my attention”.

Am i a bad person for thinking this?

Cheers,
Tom

“I don’t know how to focus on seeing myself as an important individual people should look up to, without being arrogant and self-centered.”

Why would you want to focus on whether or not people are looking up to you? Thoughout time there is has been the mass. I could care less about the mass. The ones you should care about are individuals seeking and being themselves.

A man doesn’t seek praise from others. He seeks praise from himself.

The only “thing” you should seek is approval from your unconscious. Your unconscious contains a vast storage of information and experience, but it waits on a ready conscious mind to reveal itself.

If you aren’t ready for something consciously then your unconscious isn’t going to give it to you.

“…i feel inside that i want to say “i would have done a better job” and “heh you’re so not worth my attention”.”

What is a “better” job? Is it how it looks in the end or how much heart went into that job? Say someone is just learning carpentry and they are building a cabinet. If they put there heart into it and build it to the best of their ability then I’ll respect them for it, even if it looks like crap.

They put their heart into that cabinet, so they should be proud of themselves and SHOULD care less what anyone else thinks.

I find the “worth” of something interesting. Take a bum preaching on the street. He’s saying a lot of truth and people will walk by thinking he’s crazy.

Place that same guy in a suit, clean him up, throw some letters on his name (i.e. M.D., PhD, etc.), and give him some press. People will suddenly find “value” in this guy and call him a genius.

Have everyone you meet on an even playing field (it’s hard, I know). Listen to what they have to say, and then make your decision on that person.

The value of one person to the next shouldn’t differ. When it comes to wasting one’s time now that’s another thing.

If I take the time out to meet someone, and they are late and don’t call, then they are wasting my time, and therefore I will not let them waste anymore of it. That, in my opinion, is acceptable.

—

If you have any questions my e-mail is v [at] becomingapua.com

Hey man,
Whas up?
Maybe you can help here…
Im a beginner, how should a person start NLP from beginning to the mastery?
any help is appreciated
Thanks!

NLP is the popular method these days, but I’d suggest you master Ericksonian techniques.

I’ve been reading a bit about Milton Erickson (which NLP is modelled after) and I’ve seen where many of these pick-up artist “gurus” have copied their information from. Erickson is dead on with so many of his findings, which have been well studied, that it’s a waste to learn much else.

Before you get all excited thinking you can become a master with ease I’d like to inform you that Erickson dedicated his life to his art. Are you willing to make a similar dedication?

If you are dedicated to becoming a master of linguistics one highly recommended book is The Wisdom of Milton H. Erickson by Ronald A. Havens. This book gives you the best quotes and analysis of Erickson’s techniques.

Read that book, model Erickson, master Ericksonian techniques and you’ll be a master over an NLP master.

—

If you have a question you’d like answered then contact me at v [at] becomingapua.com

I’ve decided to spend some of my summer learning from the works of/about Milton Erickson.

Erickson’s techniques evolved into what we know as Neuro Linguistic Programming. NLP is much like what the PUA community has become; many “know-it-alls” selling their opinions as fact.

This summer is limited and I can’t filter through all the NLP material out there, but I can get through much of the Erickson material . . . I hope . . .

The first book I’m working through is The Wisdom of Milton H. Erickson by Ronald A. Havens.

Here are some of my notes:

- One of his most effective hypnotic inductions is “Shut up, sit in that chair there and go into a deep trance!”

- He concluded that he should begin to trust his own understandings and not allow them to be distorted “by somebody else’s imperfect knowledge.”

- Erickson concluded that no single theory could explain or describe adequately the incredible variety and unique complexity of individual functioning.

- “Observe!”

I’ll continue through this book and I’ll continue to post notes.

The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.
–Elizabeth Cady Stanton

A common question I get is, “When is a girl giving me a shit test and what do I do?”

OK. Here’s an example and what to do in such a situation: When your target is drunk, touching her right hip with the forefinger on her left hand and asks “Hey, I just puked a little on my shoe, can you lick it off?” you tell her, “Right away master!” and lick away.

If you take what I said above seriously then I recommend you go stay home tonight and masturbate.

Understanding what shit tests are is important for new guys. If you don’t know what a shit test is I suggest you check out the Common Acronyms & Slang section at the Becoming A Pick-Up Artist Forums.

Once you’ve been around enough girls then you could care less about shit tests.

Say a girl gives me a shit test such as, “Buy me a drink”. I’ll tell her, “OK.” and I’ll get a glass of water. If I hand it to the girl and she refuses the water then I’ll take the water back and drink it.

If she is pissed about the drink and gives me a hard time then I’ll take her by the hand, say, “It was a pleasure meeting you.”, turn away from her, and open the closest group.

If you want to be an asshole all your life then refuse every shit test.

I accept or deny shit tests depending on the moment. I know when I’m being tested, but the girl can’t quite tell if I’m supplicating or if I’m being that “perfect” boyfriend.

She knows that I can leave her at any time, cause I tell her, but in a “nice” way. If she does give me a lot of guff then I’ll escort her out of my life. I just make sure to get a little loving before giving her the boot.

Here are my questions:

1. Do you think that beyond art, it all really boils down to “looks,” in other words, would a guy who is not as attractive as you probably are, have the same success? What are your thoughts on this?

2. Do you think it’s possible for you to fall in love with a girl friend? Have you ever had that experience?

3. Are you able to tell if a girl is faking an orgasm (how) and if yes, do you care? If you don’t care, why not?

4. What’s your take on marriage?

1. This is not a “Yes” or “No” question. First, what is “success” to you? A person living in the Playboy mansion that looks like Steve Urkel will have far more “success” than someone who looks like Christian Bale living alone in the desert. There are a multitude of other factors (i.e. the type of girls you like and the amount of them in your location, the age of girls you like, how low on the scale of attractiveness are you willing to go.)

2. When I think I’m “falling in love” I remember something from the 1997 movie The Devil’s Advocate:

Kevin Lomax: What about love?
John Milton: Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.

3. When you’ve given a girl a real orgasm you can tell when one is faking. I’d recommend you pick up some material on tantra and finding a girl you can practice with.

4. Marriage is just something that was introduced with religion. Religion and marriage are on their way out as you can see. Until you’ve truly found yourself I don’t think you should get married. If you don’t even know yourself then how can you know you’ve found “the one”? And no, you will not find your true self with religion, a spiritual movement, nor ANYTHING else that has rituals and/or routines.

———

John asks:

Glad you’re back!

Which method do you think is better, the more natural Mystery method or the Ross Jeffries NLP approach? Also, once you’re on a date with a girl, what’s the best way to segue from casual conversation to making out with the girl?

John in Paris, France

Well the Mystery Method is more indirect while Ross Jeffries is more direct. If you’re more comfortable being indirect then go with MM, otherwise try Speed Seduction.

Going from conversation to kissing will have to depend on how you got into the conversation in the first place (direct or indirect).

———

RockStarLand asks:

Hey V. It’s nice to see that you aren’t dead. How’s school going? You all finished yet?

Life is my school, and no, I’ll never be finished.

———

Jason asks:

where the fuck did you go?

Mainly to my basement to play Rock Band … and some traveling

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b asks:

Is there such a thing as TOO much negging? I think I seriously pissed off a girl I sorta dig the other day by being mean. What do I do?

Yes. Hey, at least you got an emotional reaction from her. If you were an asshole then when you see her again forget like it ever happened and move on.

———

Capablanca asks:

What’s up V, greetings from Mexico.
I’m happy you’re back.
I like your blog, a lot, it’s very inspiring.
I’m amazed about your fast and radical transformation.
I’ve decided to become a PUA too, but it will represent a radical change of life, since i have already a girlfriend, but God!, i’m bored of my life, i need a change. It’s hard you know?
I’m 25 years and I don’t wanna keep like this, need to move on. I’ve been 7 years with my girl, so its really tough.
Well, i guess i still don’t have questions, but if you could only give me some inspiring advices.
I respect you man, a lot. (Sorry about my English)
See ya!

Do not pursue what is illusory - property and position: all that is gained at the expense of your nerves decade after decade and can be confiscated in one fell night. Live with a steady superiority over life - don’t be afraid of misfortune, and do not yearn after happiness; it is after all, all the same: the bitter doesn’t last forever, and the sweet never fills the cup to overflowing.
-Alexandr Solzhenitsyn